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Jim's Jottings


What a great time we'll have after November 6



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October 31, 2012 - After that Tuesday we can heave a sigh of relief, and refocus on the important things on television like commercials for Viagra.

I've had it up to here with all these commercials for adult activities! I suggest the makers of memory pills replace Viagra on the tube.

And I don't want a Ram or Silverado truck, neither.

But, I'll take all of the above over any political advertisement. Where did all that money come from to elect people and to fight for or against proposals?

Oh, yeah, we're a democracy, so it's tax deductible.

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I do feel safe in replacing my extremely worn tv clicker. When you (I) vote absentee a few weeks before the election, there is no reason to pay any attention to the election year tv-gobbledeegook.

Thus, the wear and tear on the clicker. My friend Dick gets his absentee ballot early, but doesn't use it even though he says his mind is made up. Dick, isn't afraid of not having his vote count if he dies before the sixth.

He's also the only guy I know who listened to all the debates. Personally, I couldn't stand 'em. I have more than enough ego in myself. I don't need to hear their bragging.

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Sunday morning is a good time to refresh. Nothing serious. Some months ago son Jim's wife, Linda, got me hooked on Charles Osgood's Sunday Morning show.

Osgood has made many appearances on PBS radio's Prairie Home Companion and is especially entertainining there as on tv. This week Osgood got into superstitions. You know like fearing black cats, and not walking under a ladder. He said athletes are particularly superstitious, like putting their left sock on first, eating or not eating a certain food on game day.

I don't have the "knock on wood" one or finger crossing, but I have given thought to inventing a superstition so I can blame my faults and slips on something besides myself.

"Officer, I wasn't driving when you pulled me over. I was in the back seat."

"That light wasn't red!" "I was told that I didn't need a license after age 65!"

"I didn't make that sound. Shayna did!"

I can see where having a superstition could be of great value.

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The way our Washington, DC folks use the word "billion" when spending our money prompted someone to explain to me how much a billion is. Maybe this will help us both. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

Our government spending is at the rate of a billion dollars every 8 hours and 20 minutes.

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• A baker stopped making doughnuts. He got tired of the hole thing.

• Why does fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing.

• She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

• Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

• I worked as a meat packer, but I got canned.

• (2010 Old Farmer's Almanac.) The earth does not shake when a flea coughs.

Jim Sherman, Sr. is president of Sherman Publications, Inc. He has penned "Jim's Jottings" since 1955.
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