September 11, 2013 - Maybe the question should be, "How well do you know the Bible?"
Here are some statements actually made by students regarding the Bible:
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and mother.
The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
If you know your Bible, these are hilarious.
If you didn't laugh…well… . This month our church is starting a church-wide campaign where we are all reading through the Bible together.
Children, teens, adults –everyone – has the opportunity to read the Bible on their own, talk about it in their small groups, and hear me speak on it, week by week.
We can trust the Bible to guide our lives. The problem is, we need to know the Bible and apply the Bible for it to do any good. You are welcome to join us as we journey through the Bible together this fall.
The Rev. Greg Henneman is pastor of Clarkston Community Church.