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Jim's Jottings

Sounds of spring bring back memories

June 11, 2014 - I was awakened at 12:35 a.m. on a Sunday morning recently by the sound of hot-rodders spinning wheels and racing engines with modified mufflers.

I said to myself, "It must be spring!"

I live on mile-long stretch of blacktopped road with few houses. It's one of those roads, like Baldwin Road, that is a magnet for amateur speeders who believe it is their personal training track.

Anyway, the wild engine roars were only temporary interruptions to my dreams of getting back on the pro golf tour.

Only once in my long life of driving did I spin tires on my takeoff, this after taking Hazel home from a date.

I just got home and Hazel called. She said, "Did that make you happy?" Then she hung up. Message heard, loud and clear.

We were married 51 years after that training exercise.

* * *

As a professional commercial watcher on the tube, I think I'm pretty good at getting their message.

However, in a pickup truck advertisement, the truck is stuck in the mud hauling a horse drawn wagon from the barn. The tires are spinning and mud is flying.

Then comes a commercial for Viagra. The farmer has his hand out the window like someone is handing him Viagra.

Then a team of horses is seen hauling the truck and everything behind it out of the mud.

I hadn't figured Viagra to be an energy source for horses.

* * *

• Toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

• PhD - Post Hole Digger,

• How to save money in 2014? Give up your citizenship and get free health care and food.

* * *

There are no reasons for me to even think about buying a new car. Have you seen the lit-up signals on those four foot long signal centers on the dashboard?

There's a light or signal of some kind for everything. There are even more icons on the mirror. Why?

Daughter Luan has a 1931 Ford Cabriole. It's a beautiful, 2-tone. She starts it by putting the gear shift in neutral, stepping on the starter, takes a look around and she's off.

If I ever drive again, I'll borrow her coupe.

* * *

• Harry Reid is the senate leader's name, and hairy reed is his description.

• The pirate couldn't play cards because he was sitting oar the deck.

• When her eyes say, "Go" and her lips cry "Stop," what's a fellow to do?

• Good fences make good neighbors comfortable while they gossip.

• Thought for life: There are many reasons for doing a thing, but one of the most effective is the lack of an alternative. If you gotta do it, you gotta do it.

Git 'er done!

Jim Sherman, Sr. is president of Sherman Publications, Inc. He has penned "Jim's Jottings" since 1955.
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