July 16, 2014 - In Helen's offerings this week, are items from church bulletins, like . . .
• The fasting and prayer conference includes meals.
• Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
• Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
• A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
• The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement Friday afternoon.
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This is one of Mickey's offerings for the week.
• Two elder gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:
"Slim, I'm 93 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age how do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
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And, Joe K. wants me to know men are just happier people. What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. You can wear a white shirt or no shirt to a water park. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase, you can open your own jars and you almost never have strap problems in public.
And, you can play with toys all your life, two pair of shoes are more than enough, the same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades and you only have to shave your face and neck.
Joe also points out things like nicknames are easier for men. If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch they call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it was on sale.
Jim's Jotting's turn.
Obama went to Texas to make a speech at a few Democrat fund raisers, and he completely rejected Governor Perry's request that he go to the Tex-Mex border to see the immigration problems his policies have created.
At his public microphone lately, he's talked about the need for new immigration laws. Careful listening to him notes he asks is for specific immigrants.
He'll freely let in immigrants for specific jobs.
He said he'll "welcome immigrants who can do jobs that need to be filled here, the brightest and best."
What he's doing is allowing children to come here, but when they are to be disbursed, Obama will not tell the American citizenry where he's sending them.
And, that's the kind of transparent government he's promised, and not delivered, since his election.
Jim Sherman, Sr. is president of Sherman Publications, Inc. He has penned "Jim's Jottings" since 1955.