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Jim's Jottings

A salon experience worth writing about

April 28, 2010 - I took quite a few years, but between my widening girth, my non-lithe body and my 6 ft. 4 in. frame I can no longer cut my toenails.

A big toe has an in-grown nail, the one next to it is long enough to curl under and my little toe nail snags the sheets.

Something had to be done, besides asking one our daughters to do something that will make their father bleed.

I've thought for a long time that all beauty salons that do finger nails also do toenails. I have hundreds of mistaken thoughts to go with that one.

But, through a friend I got exposed to Downtown (Oxford) Salon. Another of my long-held thoughts on beauty salons is that the attendants are all youngish, smiling, friendly and helpful.

Six of the seven at Downtown Salon were as I imagined. I got the seventh. She talks a different language than I expected in a salon.

She told me to sit in an over-stuffed chair that, when turned on, had a lot more moving parts than she did.

Oh, yeah, she is Pam Oliver and her first name must have been taken from the Pam cooking spray, "100% natural, original."

I don't know where she went while my feet soaked, but it could have been to the bar next door. Her mood was not better upon her return. "Put that foot up here," she commanded.

Then she pulled one of several sharp tools from her kit, and went nonstop talking for the next 45 minutes. But at least it was colorful talking. The kind I practice and understand.

With all her prodding and scraping, Pam only made me wince twice. And when she was done, she thanked me with her hand out, palm up.

I must say, my toes look great, clean and unbloodied. Guess I'll go back and see Pam in a few weeks. I may need a refresher and some more insults by then.

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• On a recent weekend the Detroit Tigers, Detroit Red Wings and the PGA golf tournament were on at the same time. I love 'em all, so I kept my clicker busy during commercials. As the caveman in Geico commercials says, "Unbelievable," each station timed commercials to air at the same time.

• Why are thicker lashes so important?

• If you throw a cat out the window does it become kitty litter?

There is a prohibition against "unfunded mandates," which means a bigger government cannot require a smaller government to perform new state-ordered obligations without reimbursing any added cost that may result. However, bigger government is forcing smaller governments to enforce the no-smoking rule. Don't you love the way our governments act?

Animal myths:

• Moths don't eat clothes. Their larvae do.

• Monkeys don't eat fleas from other monkeys. They eat dead skin from fellow monkeys.

• Bats aren't blind, they just see better in half-light.

• Seems to me those who belong to the AARP are very much like union members. Follow with few questions.

* When a dog sniffs another, is it like they're stopping to smell the roses, like we humans are urged to do through life?

Jim Sherman, Sr. is president of Sherman Publications, Inc. He has penned "Jim's Jottings" since 1955.
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