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Jim's Jottings


Jim's Jottings goes jot, jot jotting along



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December 15, 2010 - Seems like there's way too much of everything on the tube. Of course, my having a way too long viewing time has something to do with my thinking.

Take football ferinstance. There aren't enough number ones allowed to teams with so many ultra-ego players and so many coaches who promise number ones in recruiting.

I say, allow teams to have four number ones in recruiting instead of the current number one limit.

Give a one to the offense, one to the defense, one to the line and one to the backfield, except the quarterback. Their egos can't be built higher with a number, so leave them numberless. We all know who they are anyway.

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I've always thought cats lap liquids like dogs. Should have known better. Cats have to be different. Like, instead of coming when they are called, cats take a message and get back to you.

It took extensive research by a Massachusetts Institute of Technology engineer professor to tell us the cat-drinking method.

MIT high speed video shows cats' tongues extend downward in a J-shape while drinking. Only the tips touch the water.

Their tongues then move upwards at the blazing speed of more than 3 feet per second, generating a column of liquid. Cats quickly closed their mouths to drink a portion of the column, the study said.

You can check it out in the journal Science.

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I have a six-slot CD holder in my car. To make way for Christmas music I took out the polka, Sousa, Johnny Cash, Perry Como, old Vaudeville and pianist-singer Jerry Robinson.

But, I just had to hear a particular polka one more time. Trust me, it's much better with a pumping accordian in the background, but get a load to these verses . . .

"I'm going to get a dummy model from the factory, and take it home with me.

"I'll dress it up in clothes like the ones you wear, I'll even get a wig that'll match your hair.

"I'm going to sprinkle it with perfume just the way your do, and put on lipstick, too.

"And, when I'm done, I'll bet you ten to one, she'll be a lot more fun than you."

Kinda brings a tear to you eye, don't it?

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Like the old grey mare, my Christmas tree ain't what it used to be. Hazel and I used to love going to tree farms and picking out our tree.

Then, with the kids gone, we went to artificial trees. Seven-footers. Trying to manage that caused me to switch to a four-footer this season.

It ain't the same. Now, instead of putting presents under the tree, we can put them on a table. Ah well, the spirit will return. I like this season too much to let a smaller tree spoil it.

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A six-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "She lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

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• I get the four basic food groups: Canned, frozen, fast and takeout.

• Cross a hunting dog with a telephone pole and you get a golden receiver.

• The average woman has 17 square feet of skin. It stretches to 18 1/2 during pregnancy.

• Mark Twain quote: "I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved of it."

Jim Sherman, Sr. is president of Sherman Publications, Inc. He has penned "Jim's Jottings" since 1955.
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