Don't Rush Me
Thoughts on 'adulthood.'
(Something I haven't spent much time on)
January 12, 2011 - Every once in a while, even your hero (that would be me) gets behind the proverbial eight ball. Things stack up; the weather's too cold, the day's too short. I think I need a three-day weekend soon . . . too bad Martin Luther King ism only a holiday for those with government jobs.
So, when those things conspire against me, as your hero, I always have a backup plan. The Plan B I pulled from my superhero utility belt is a column that is not really a column.
I owe this week's evil-bustin words to one Grayce Warren. Some may know her as the longtime music teacher at Clarkston High School. Others won't know her at all, cause she retired a "few" years back. Let's put it this way, she's been around the block enough times that a few times ago she tried to teach me piano whilst I was a high school student.
She sent the following thoughts on Adulthood, that I think every young person should read.
* * *
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection . . . again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions, people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -- but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from three feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
* * *
Thank you, Grayce, but I still think that last thought was uncalled for!
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Don is Assistant Publisher for Sherman Publications, Inc. He has worked for the company since 1985. He has won numerous awards for column, editorial and feature writing as well as for photography. He has two, sons Shamus and Sean and resides in the area. To read archived copies of his columns, click on his name, just under his picture up top . . . He can be e-mailed at: firstname.lastname@example.org