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Jim's Jottings


Jot, Jot Jotting along



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February 02, 2011 - President Obama and his czars decided Freddie Mac and Fanny Mac were failing and needed bailing out. I don't know how much that cost we taxpayers, but defending that decision cost $410,000,000. Freddie Mac, established in 1970, went broke in 39 years. Just couldn't get it right.

• Manufacturers are so scared of being sued they are going to extremes to protect their anuses. Like instructions to open a package: Remove the item from the box. Discard the plastic wrap. Inhale deeply. Exhale. To open the item grasp the lid tightly and turn it counterclockwise. Inhale, exhale, etc.

• I'm a basic, farm-raised male. I know how to fry and boil stuff. Season with salt, pepper and garlic. Eat it when it looks done. Recipes are for those less fortunate. Recipe writers and tv cooks add ingredients with one of two purposes: Fool readers/viewers into thinking they are smart, or to fill space on a label. What does Oregano, Celery seed, Turmeric and Sweet Basil do for us? Is there a sour Basil? Is Turmeric a seed, compound or underground weed?.

• With these recessionary times . . . Exxon-Mobil laid off 23 Congressmen . . .you can buy a toaster and get a bank . . . truckloads of Americans are sneaking into Mexico . . . Motel Six isn't leaving the light on any more . . . and a picture is now worth only 200 words.

• Back to my basic male thought. I eat a lot of sandwiches. For my sausage sandwich I put some horseradish sauce on a slice of toasted raisin-cinnamon bun. I like that sauce on leftover rice from sweet and sour chicken orders, too.

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The New York Times reported the bosses of a publishing firm are trying to figure out why no one noticed one of their employees had sat dead at his desk for five days.

He died on a Monday, but nobody noticed until Saturday morning when an office cleaner asked him why he was working during a weekend.

His boss said the man was always a quiet worker and kept much to himself. At least no typing mistakes got past him.

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Another exciting mystery you hopefully haven't read about. In a hospital's intensive care unit, patients died in the same bed, Sunday mornings at 11. Doctors figured it was supernatural.

A world-wide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes after 11, doctors and nurses waited outside the ward to see what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some held wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Just as the clock struck 11, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

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Beginning with United States President Teddy Roosevelt (1901-1909) through George W. Bush, only four presidents picked a majority of cabinet members from the private business sector: Wilson, Eisenhower, Reagan and George H. Bush. President John Kennedy picked the lowest number of cabinet leaders; 30 percent

And, it's these appointees who have been telling big corporations how to run their businesses.

What-a-country!

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* Camels are born without their lumps. So are . . . never mind.

• Even bloodhounds cannot smell the difference between identical twins.

• If you feed beer to a laboratory rat it will live six times longer than a rat that drinks only water.

• Ok, one more. Americans eat 4 million pounds of bacon and 175 million eggs every day.

Jim Sherman, Sr. is president of Sherman Publications, Inc. He has penned "Jim's Jottings" since 1955.
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