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Jim's Jottings


Jottings has many ideas, some even believable



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April 13, 2011 - * Ever notice in American Airlines commercials about how easy they say it is to get seating? And the camera shows two guys on a practically empty plane?

* Question: What/who buys the most time on tv these days: lawyers or sellers of gold?

* Three bits of wisdom for golfers: Take extra time when lining up your fourth putt; Now, before your "first round this spring, get your retriever re-gripped; Inhale and exhale deeply before hitting five off the tee.

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This next item is about ma'dog, Shayna. This notice gives anti-animal people a chance to turn the page, and dog lovers a reason continue. I've shared MY home with Shayna for nearly a decade. I let her in, let her out, feed her and thank her for doing her good night duty on time so I can get to bed on time.

My attitude and respect toward her has changed in the last two months. That's when I got a lift-chair.

You, know, a button-maneuvering chair that stands you up or lays you down.

Shayna noticed immediately that it took almost no effort on my part to get up. She has seen me work at getting out of other easy chairs.

Several days passed before I realized Shayna was using me, or playing her games with me, by showing a want to go outdoors much more often.

One evening I timed her. Seven times in a 2-hour period she wanted out and in. When her ploy became obvious, I decided to explain things to her. I took her big head in my two hands, made her look me in the eyes, and explained:

"Shayna, this is MY house, not yours!"

Her good ear came up, a sign she heard me. Then I explained, "You're a dog. You own nothing. Your only reason for being is to please me! Don't annoy me, get it?"

I think she smiled

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* Secretary of State Hillary Clinton seems to be aging more rapidly. So much traveling and visiting countries which don't have female counterparts could be stressful.

* Even a mosquito doesn't get a slap on the back until it starts to work.

* A line of rabbits walking backwards is called a receding hareline.

* You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard boiled egg.

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Dale K. sent this one.

After having dug a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wiring dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by New Yorkers, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: "California archaeologist discovery of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.

One week later. A local newspaper in Michigan reported: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Houghton Lake, Bubba, a self-taught archaeologist reported he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Michigan had already gone wireless.

Just makes you proud to live in (or be from) Michigan, don't it?

Jim Sherman, Sr. is president of Sherman Publications, Inc. He has penned "Jim's Jottings" since 1955.
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