Source: Sherman Publications

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Jim's Jottings
Rodents is too nice a word for mice

by Jim Sherman, Sr.

October 12, 2011

Before I started writing this column about mice, I looked "mice" up in the dictionary. It said "see mouse."

I almost said, "Eek!"

Years past I'd have come up with something else, but I'm trying to give up swearing before I die.

Mouse: 1. Any of numerous small rodents with pointed snout, rather small ears, elongated body and slender tail.

Mouse: 2. slang: woman. b: a timid person.

My current definition: a sneaky, nibbling, annoying, droppinger, elusive and challenging rodent unworthy of becoming a happy cartoon character.

I wrote of a mouse getting in my bread drawer, eating Ritz and Club crackers, but not saltines on September 21 of this year. In the weeks that followed I caught five in traps loaded with bacon.

One was trout sized.

Despite the peanut bait suggested on the trap package, I've learned mice hate peanut butter.

Naive me, I figured I'd caught my limit, so decided to ease off for a while. The cabinet with the bread drawer also has the silverware drawer.

I pulled it a little further open than usual, and WOW!

Amongst the knives and forks was 3 whole crackers, 8 nibbled crackers and 4 cracker pieces.

They were all saltines.

Like you, I buy a box of crackers with four packages, 37 crackers in each. Two packages in the box were untouched, one was entirely empty and the other had 12 crackers left.

There went my belief mice don't eat saltines.

Like most kitchen cabinets, ours is like a box. So, how did those mice get in my drawers?

It's been a few days since this research began, but you can bet our silverware, bread and crackers have been moved to completely inaccessible places.


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Scattered thoughts.

Close the United Nation. It was never united. It seems to primarily serve as a platform for those who don't like us. It's huge expense. Sell it to Donald Trump.

Allow drilling or digging for fuel. Hundred of thousands would be employed. Besides, what are we storing it for?

Why do so many professional quarterbacks keep plays on notes on their wrists? Are memories worse today than in my day? Imagine Bart Starr not remembering a play?

One of the promos for a new television show says, "It will have all America talking." Must be South America.

A new study shows the curtains between beds in hospitals are loaded with germs. Wonder if that has anything to do with hospitals putting mainly single-bed rooms in new additions. Or, does it have to do with the thought: People seem to get sick when hospitalized.

Adding the sound of pouring to sellers of liquid products is intended to make people thirsty. To me it's one of the most irritating sounds on earth.

When I was in Fremont grade school in Shiawassee County a speaker came to tell us how to write a check. She said, we should add a mark or something to make it different. I still use one. Counterfeiters be aware.

In a Michigan lottery commercial: "The more you spend the more you save." How?