Source: Sherman Publications

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Don't Rush Me
How to maintain your insanity

by Don Rush

August 22, 2012

You know, some where, some way, some how trying to remain calm, keep your cool and reason just doesn't cut the mustard. Sometimes it is just easy to let your hair hang down and have fun. Some time ago (years in fact) I received these e-mail dandies. And remember: smile!

* * *

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy

Level of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In."

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.

6. In the Memo Field of all your checks, write "For Sexual Favors."

7. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go."

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

20. Send this to someone to make them smile. . . It's called therapy.

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Great truths about growing old

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

The four stages of life:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

3) You are Santa Claus.

4) You look like Santa Claus.

E-mail Don with your insanity maintaining rituals to: Don@ShermanPublications.org