Source: Sherman Publications

Jim's Jottings
You know it’s going to be a bad day when . . .

by Jim Sherman, Sr.

April 20, 2011

Friday dawned a nice day. I decided to drive my handy John Deere out to get the morning paper. It’s about 100 feet from the garage door to the mailbox.

As soon as I took the paper from the box, my John Deere quit running.

Oops, out of gas. I’m in my pajamas and robe, but barefoot. I have a yard, not a lawn. I mow it, but it’s not smooth. There are stones. Little, sharp stones.

I walk gingerly to the house, get my cup of coffee, sit in my power-lift chair and relax as much as I can thinking of that dead John Deere out by road.

Couple hours later I grab my gallon gas can, and, still barefoot, pajama-ed and robed and walk carefully back to my roadside J. D.

It’s windy. Gasoline is blown. I make adjustments to my stance. Then there comes that urgent urge. Trickling liquid does that, ya know.

I swear the breeze picked up right then, flopping my soaked pj’s against my bare legs.

A bad day had started.

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Headline #2: Adding, removing loopholes full time job

I have rarely watched a live presidential address. I want their words without expression, like eye movements and body language.

I got by all these years with newspaper reports, 5, 6 and 10 o’clock news.

Of course, I hear sound bites all day, and after the President’s “campaign” speech last week, which included all the budget balancing, deficit-reducing, money-saving propaganda of previous campaigns, I totally get it.

“We have to cut out loopholes!”

That’s it! Now then, who keeps putting in the loopholes?

He also said, “We need reforms, and we need to make sacrifices.”

Then Obama’s budget director said, “We are contributing to the deficit as we work to enact new legislation.”

Then don’t enact new legislation.

Sounds simple to me. Of course, it’s all gobble-d-gook. It’s a strategy that’s been practiced since time immemorial.

And, every four years a majority of we voters think, hope and pray we’re electing “change” and “difference.”

So, as per-usual, our electeds in D.C. left for a “much needed” vacation. And, to me, that’s a good thing. When they come back they should vote in a part lesser-time legislature.

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• I’ve often wondered about the buildings, like the Taj Mahal. I’m referring to ancient buildings. Building that are many feet high, rising straight up from rivers. Built of carved rocks from scaffolding. Was it slave labor? Over how many years? I read one answer this week. It took 22 years and 20,000 people to build the Taj Mahal. They must of had good mortar and more patience than we have today.

• The strawberry is the only fruit with its seed on the outside of its skin.

• “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be “I do” is the longest sentence?

• Americans eat four million pounds of bacon and 175 million eggs every day.

• Even bloodhounds can’t tell the difference between two identical twins.

• Murders claimed more American lives during the 20th century than wars.