Source: Sherman Publications

Jim's Jottings
Offer a thought and watch it expand

by Jim Sherman, Sr.

June 29, 2011

We’ve all had this done to us. We say something about anything and the listener has a topper. We’ve all probably had the topper, too.

That’s ok, if, as in my case the topper is better.

For some unknown reason this verse came to mind. I recall reciting it to daughter Susan and her friend Laurie, when they were maybe six years old.

“Around the corner and under the tree.

A fair young maiden waited there for me.

She kissed me once, she kissed me twice,

It wasn’t a very good thing to do, but boy was it nice.”

They thought that was really funny. It recently came up in conversation with Kathy, our accountant, and she had to top it. She said it was her father’s bedtime rhyme:

“Listen my children and you shall hear,

The midnight ride of Paul Revere.

A pull of the covers,

A slip of the sheet,

A 50-yard dash to the toilet seat.”

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Last week, Vice President Biden really said this about how hard our representatives are working in Washington: “They are working around the clock three days a week.”

• About the same time President Obama said, “The projects were not as shovel ready as I had hoped for.”

• “Where oh where has our little dog gone?”

Where oh where has our leadership gone?

• Hear about the guy who spilled spot remover on his dog and now he can’t find it?

• One woman’s hobby is another woman’s hubby.

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In 2006 the World Stanberry Report reported, “We have more oil inside our borders than all the other proven reserves on earth.”

How can we not be extracting this? Have environmentalists, and others, blocked all efforts to keep America independent of foreign oil? Think OPEC just might be funding the environmentalists?

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Drivers who have air conditioning in their cars (that’s about all of us) are being warned to not turn on the A/C as soon as you enter your car.

First open the windows when you enter, then turn on the A/C after a couple minutes.

Here’s why: According to research, the car’s dashboard, seats, air ducts, (in fact all the plastic objects in your vehicle) emit Benzene, a cancer causing toxin.

Benzene poisons your bones, causes anemia and reduces white blood cells. Prolonged exposure will cause leukemia and increases the risks of some cancer. It can also cause miscarriages in pregnant women.

Got the message?

Air out your car. It’s not the air conditioning in the car, but the benzene-producing agents that cause cancer.

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I’m closing this week’s Jottings with some of The Prairie Home Companion, Garrison Keillor‘s Old Standards. You’ll know it’s time to close when you read some.

• Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they can’t remember the words.

• Did you hear about the two silkworms in a race? They ended up in a tie.

• My pig learned karate. Now he’s a pork chop.

• Did you hear about the two antennas that got married. The wedding was terrible, but the reception was great.

• One more: Did you hear that in New York the Stop and Shop grocery chain merged with the A & P? Now it’s called the Stop & P.