Source: Sherman Publications

Jim's Jottings
There's a good reason used car sales are up

by Jim Sherman, Sr.

January 23, 2013

For Christmas, son Jim and his wife Linda gave my car, a 2008 Ford Edge, a complete detailing from Classic Appreciation in Rochester.

When I bought the car from Skalnek Ford the sales person, Kaycy, properly assumed this would be my last new car purchase.

When Linda took my car to Rochester for the detailing, she left me her 2013 Buick Lacrosse. It had 270 miles on it.

When she picked it up two days later it had 273 miles on the odometer (if that's what they still call the mileage recorder now-a-days).

No outer-space traveling machine could have more lighted dials, boxes and icons than that 2013 Buick. On an arched, 10-inch long panel under the center of the steering wheel, there are 15 boxes of choices and eight unlighted things.

I tried to read about these things in the manual only to learn the new cars come with discs or cd instructions.

A handle sticking out of the right side of the steering column has seven settings, separated by a dial marked SRC. Linda couldn't remember what that stood for. And, I couldn't turn it.

I ignored the lever coming out the left side of the steering wheel. I signaled my turning with my left arm out the window, which I did learn to operate.

The dash board is a nerd's dream of unimportant stuff, but one thing is a second rear viewer. I guess that's for backing up. I was able to shift gears, because I remember some old car I owned had the shift levers on the console.

I never turned off the windshield wipers, tuned the radio off her pre-set jazz music, or tried to move the seat for my much longer-than-her-legs,

It was to the office and back (twice) for me to get my crossword puzzles.

This 2013 experience made me conclude potential new car drivers are so overwhelmed by all the gadgetry they might upgrade from a 2005 car to a 2008, but never risk their life trying to learn how to drive a 2013 car.

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A guy named Greg detailed my car and brought it to my house. He said he wanted to see my "bald" dog. He found so much Shayna hair in my car he was sure Shayna was nude.

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This "no reading" habit Congress has adopted for new laws in Washington included the Fiscal Cliff legislation. It was small by Washington standards, only 750 pages, but no one had time to read it, though it has 41 new taxes.

Pelosi's standard, "Pass it then we'll have time to read it" rule is gaining momentum (God help us all).

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Some gleaned Oxymorons:

Only in America do sick folks have to walk all the way to the back of the store to get prescriptions or a flu shot while healthy people can buy candy at the front.

Only in America do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet drink.

Only in America do banks leave the vault doors open, but chain pens to the counter.

Only in America do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America do we have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.